Sir hum soch rahe the ki hum kar kya rahe hain. Hum writer bannaa chaahthe hain lekin Q.E. ka kaam kar rahe hain technopark mein. Aur roz office aakar computer ke saame baite excel sheets barthe hain. Na to hamaara writing improve ho raha hain sir, na aage ka koi opportunity mil raha hain. Kab tak aur kaise chalega sir.
If you’re into writing, Scorpio, this is the perfect day to sit down and churn out the words, even if it’s only a letter to a friend. Your imagination is especially vivid, your expression clear and understandable, and your vocabulary skills especially acute. If this is a thesis or article, you may spend hours on it. Don’t worry. It will be that much better for it.
So this was my horoscope for 4th February 2015.
I am not much into horoscopes or astrology. As a matter of fact I don’t believe it at all. But if it inspired you to write something why not.
Hi you beautiful people,
..Sorry for the lack of posts lately. 😦
A lot has happened in the last three or four months….
For those who don’t know me I’ve never been the type of person who gets out of a comfort zone but I’ve put myself out of my comfort zone more in the last few months than I ever have. I’ve had my ups and downs, highs and lows.
I made a lot of mistakes. And I’ll continue making glorious, amazing mistakes. I’ll learn, push myself, change myself and change my world.
Now that I have pretty much settled down here. I hope to write often. Wish me luck.
Previously I had published a post describing the ‘Glorious moments of my life‘. Ever since that post I’ve wanted to write about the most embarrassing moments of my life as well. My life consists of embarrassing moments every day. So to pick out the top 5 painfully awkward and embarrassing moments of my life was really really difficult. Anyways here they are.
5. This was in College. We were playing a basket ball game against the Mathematics department’s team. They were our arch rivals. It was a tough game. We weren’t scoring. And one of friends was hogging the ball and trying to shoot. I was open. I kept yelling at him to pass. He eventually passed me the ball. The pass came back at me at warp-speed, bounced off the top of my head and knocked me down to the floor.
4. I was traveling in a bus. I was suffering from a bad cold. I let out a sudden sneeze. ‘SHIT!’ Somebody shrieked from behind. The next thing I saw was that a thick and nasty nasal discharge was on a fellow passenger’s jeans.
3. In my previous company I had a big time crush on one of my co-workers. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I loved the way she smiled, talked and interacted with people. We’d often run into each other in very random yet synchronous situations like it was meant to happen. We’d often steal glances at each other and sometimes smile but never a word.
She once distributed sweets for Diwali and wished me a Happy Diwali. I half-smiled and thanked her. I didn’t wish her back. I kind of felt uncourteous that I didn’t wish her back. I badly wanted to make it up for not wishing her back.
A week later my birthday came. She smiled and wished me a ‘Happy Birthday’. I wished her back. I said “Wish you the same.” She laughed out loud. That was it. I never dared even to speak to her again.
2. I was walking back to home after work and there were other groups of people walking too (a lot of them were girls who worked in the same building) and I was really zoned out, and I walked headfirst into one of those glass doors. The darn thing was just too clean. It hurt on the nose and I teared up. I was disoriented for a second. But I just kept walking and laughed with everyone else.
1. This happened when I was in sixth grade. It was afternoon. We were having our math class. I badly needed to go to the toilet but my teacher didn’t let me out of the classroom. She said that the lunch bell was anyways going to ring in 10 mins and I could go to the toilet then. But I couldn’t hold past the point of that “got to go” feeling and I peed in classroom.
What has been the most embarrassing moment of your life?
I quit being a sentimental fool. I quit being sensitive, naive and over-protective. Above all I quit being myself.
Back in school we used to play our very own version of scrabble drawing grid of squares with pencils in our rough notebooks. We had different rules. We’d play the game under the desk during classes and whenever we had free periods. We were so obsessed that sometimes we’d even bunk the PT periods to play this game. We had a scrabble tournament of sorts and I had somehow managed to reach the finals of this coveted tournament.
I don’t exactly remember how grid of squares we had for the finals but the game lasted for three days. I was the under dog. My opponent (who was and who still is a good friend of mine) was the favorite to win the game. I thought he’d beat me hands down. He almost did. He was way ahead of me at the end of the second day. He had a lead of 20 odd points. But as the game progressed to the third day I scored some crucial points thus narrowing the difference between our scores. My adrenaline was pumping in. At this point I sensed that may be I could win this game. I was slowly inching closer and closer. During the final moments of the game I almost had the support of the entire class. People tend to root for the underdog. Don’t they? I eventually snatched a victory from the jaws of defeat. I WON! It was one of the biggest and one of the best celebrations I’ve ever had in my life.
I was one of my maths teacher’s favorite student in class X. It was not because I scored good marks in the subject. Though I liked the subject very much I sucked at math. I’ve hardly scored above 60 in any of my maths examinations. It was because he thought I had a good handwriting. So we had this II Pre-Board examination and I’d solved one of the problems in the examination which no other student had solved it correctly except for a girl. Guys in class had a major crush on her. I am not going to tell you anything more about this girl. Come on! This is about glorious moments of MY LIFE! Okay? Getting back. Not even the book worms and the nerds who solved math problems all the time had solved that problem. It was a simple problem. But because I was one of my math teacher’s favorite students he made a big deal out of it. I’d been an average student all my life. Its not every day that an average student like me got to be popular. I totally enjoyed the attention I was getting. I felt like a star who shot to fame overnight.
However all this was short-lived because I flunked in the III Pre-Board examination. So much for solving one math problem correctly in the examination. By the way I’d scored 53/100 in the II Pre-Board.
I scored a century as a kid once in a plastic ball cricket match. It was very very special. I am sure if I live till I have grand children I’ll tell them this story.
I bowled the last over of a cricket match in college and defended 7 runs. I also picked up two wickets in the match. I had one of the batsman out bowled. I had his leg stump uprooted. Terrific sight for any fast bowler.
Our college once bagged the overall winners trophy at Techmeet, an Inter College competition hosted by Fatima college, Madurai. I’d played a big part in it. The fact that it was hosted by a college for women made it even more special.
Well this is as far as I could remember…
What are your glorious of moments of life? You remember any?
Shattered mirror
Tattered photograph
Forsaken love
Failed friendships
Broken trust
Lost hopes
Insomniac nights
Teary eyes
Unfulfilled dreams
Unanswered prayers
A voice within
‘Just hang in there, you’ll be fine’
But deep down, I know
I have no reason to believe
I know that I don’t
A good friend of mine messaged me on Skype this evening. He told me that Major Mukund Varadarajan incident had left him disturbed. Ignorant me had no idea of what and about whom he was talking about. Lately I haven’t been following the news very much. There is no TV at my home. However that didn’t stop me following the IPL or watching the IIFA awards in YouTube. I have a Laptop you see.
A little later I realized that it was Army Major Mukund Varadarajan he was talking about. He’d died fighting for the country. I felt so ashamed of myself. I didn’t know about a Martyr who had sacrificed his life protecting us. Whereas I knew who had taken greatest catch of the IPL this season. I knew that Deepika Padukone won the best actress award for her performance in Chennai Express. And its people like me who form the so-called well-informed and well-educated citizens of this country. 😦
One could point out fingers on mainstream media. It never reports such sacrifices in detail. We only get to see what they report. It’s sad that more often than not its Cricket and Bollywood that hogs the limelight. But come to think of it. Isn’t it as much our fault? Isn’t it as much as our responsibility as that of the mainstream media?
Why do we tend to take an army person or a police losing his life protecting people so lightly? Why is it just another news for us?
There’s a quote from the movie ‘Saving Private Ryan’ where Captain H Miller says his dying words, to Private Ryan
James…. Earn this. Earn it.
These words have been kind of reverberating in my head. That’s how I am we should be feeling at the moment. Like Private James Francis Ryan. Major Mukund Varadarajan and many others like him have traded their lives for each and every Private Ryan in us. So we better be worth it. He has left behind a bereaved family and a three-year old daughter. His wife Indu has written a heart wrenching poem. My eyes welled up with tears reading this. My heart goes out to his family. God be with them.
There lived a man who loved me with all his heart…
There lived a man who fathered my child….
There lived a man who believed in integrity….
There lived a man who loved his profession….
There lived a man who never feigned to be a hero….
There lived a man who was my soul….
There lived a man with a heart full of generosity…
There lived a man who revealed all to me….
There lived a man who loved me with his life…..
But …..now I wait…..
for he is with god..
I know this for sure..
One day I will meet him…
I know this for sure…
And he will give me that warm strong hug of his
I know this for sure…
And I will not complain that I can’t breathe
I know this for sure
You can hug me..hug me all you want….
Would it be just enough to have a Facebook page for a man like him with say a 1000 odd likes and comments such as – ‘We salute you’, ‘RIP major’, ‘Brave Martyr’ etc. when it really doesn’t come from the bottom of our hearts.
This man deserves a much bigger tribute than that. Don’t you think so?
This weekend had been a lot of fun – movies, books, endless cups of tea, spending some quality time with family and the joy of being at home. But now I was feeling completely exhausted after traveling. I kicked my shoes away, jumped to the bed and drifted off to a nap.
I woke up confused, grumpy and exhausted. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I reluctantly turned back to look at the wall clock. It showed 2:15 p.m. I was running late. I hurried up.
As I walked downstairs I heard a distinctive voice. It sounded familiar. I came closer and discovered that it was hers. She had one of the sweetest voices. I was sure that this was her. May be I was hallucinating. HELL, NO! I was not. This was really her. I saw her come out of the house.
The voice inside me told me to get talking with her. However a sensible part of me thought this was not her? Why would she come to Coimbatore? It really didn’t make any sense at all. I should just get this thing out of my mind and better get going – I thought. If only I could.
While I stood there confused she happened to cast a glance upon me. She started thinking. I could quite make out that she was trying to recall a familiar face.
When she recalled she asked, excitedly ‘Hey Praveen! You remember me? We worked together in Pune.’
How could I ever forget her?
“Yes, I do. I very much remember you. Puja right?.” I said beaming with a smile.
“I never thought that I’d find you here.” She said
“Neither did I” I replied.
“Come on in. I’ll prepare you a cup of coffee”
“No, actually I… I… I am leaving to office right now.” I stuttered.
“Okay, we’ll catch up later sometime.”
There was this voice again – What the hell? Why did you do this Praveen? There have been days where you’ve waited at bus stops, at temples, at the street where she lived for hours together just to catch a glimpse of her. SHE happens to be neighbor by sheer luck and coincidence. SHE invites you in for a cup of coffee. You decline her coffee invite saying that you are leaving to office. What an idiot you are? No wonder you are single. And you’ll remain single forever.
“Wwaait…. I think I can have a cup of coffee. I didn’t realize that I was leaving to office a little early today. My office is from 4:00 p.m. to 1:oo a.m.” I know. I know. It was a huge lie. But how else do you expect me to redeem myself after having messed it up so badly.
‘Okay then. Come on in.’ She invited me in.
‘How come you are here in Coimbatore?’ I asked
‘That’s a long story. For now I can just tell you that I’ve moved into this house with my family.’ She replied from the Kitchen.
‘Wait a sec… You should meet Kadhir. He’d love to have your company.’
‘Kadhir…’ She went inside and called out.
Kadhir? I wondered.
I prayed desperately. God… please… please… please…. please…. Let him not be her husband. Let him be her brother. Okay. Okay. He can’t be her brother. Kadhir definitely was a Tamil name. And she was a North Indian. Please God… Let him be anybody but not her boyfriend, husband or fiance.
‘Kadhir….’ She called out again.
All of sudden a land-line phone ringing. There was nobody to pick it up. It was ringing… ringing… ringing… and still ringing.
It wouldn’t stop ringing until I picked it up. That was when I realized that you had wake up from your nap to pick up the phone. I woke up from my dream.
I woke up confused, grumpy and still exhausted
‘Hello, is this LIC office?’ The caller asked.
Damn! How on earth did the caller manage to pick an awfully wrong number and the wrong time to call in? I wanted to give the caller a piece of my mind. But, I didn’t.
‘Sorry, wrong number.’ I said politely and disconnected the call.
I looked at the wall clock. It showed 2:15 p.m.
I was really getting late this time. I didn’t care. I went back to sleep. I wanted to know – Who was this ‘Kadhir‘? I wanted the dream to continue. But, it didn’t. 😦
There was a time when life was simple. There was a time when clearing the XII boards was the only thing I was worried about. Then came the time where I thought all that I wanted in life was a job that paid me just enough to live.
I sit and wonder now. When did things get so complicated after that?
What do people mean when they say ‘Follow your heart’?
How do you know what your heart wants?
Why can’t I just be like everyone else? Be happy with what I have.
Is dreaming being too ambitious?
‘Do what you love, success will follow’ Is that a lie?
‘What are your plans for the future?’, ‘What do you want to do with your life?’ – Why do I feel that these are the most dreaded questions people ask me?
ALLWIN BRIGHT WRITES 