AM I BEING TOO VULNERABLE?
by Allwin Bright
I am easily moved to tears and rarely survive a visit to the cinema without shedding them, racked, as I am, by the most perfunctory, meretricious or even callously sentimental attempts at poignancy (something about the exterior of the human face, so vast and palpable, with the eyes and the lips: it is all writ too large for me, too immediate for me.)
Ever since I’ve started living alone I find that my eyes easily well up with tears. I cry way too often these days. I cry when I get drunk, I cry watching sad movies, I cry listening to sad songs, I cry reading sad stories. Shock of Shocks was when I cried listening to a church sermon. I’ve never ever seen myself as a religious person. Mom has to literally drag me out of bed on a Sunday morning. On any given Sunday I’d blissfully sleep rather than attending a Sunday mass. I’ve always known to be a sentimental and an emotional person. But to this extent? I really didn’t know.
Its not that I have so much sadness in me. Believe me, I consider myself as one of the luckiest persons in this planet. I have a loving family. They talk to me over the phone almost every single day. My sister is the bestest!!! She can make me smile even when I am having a really really bad day. I have friends who truly care for me. I know that they’ll always be there for me. I have a job. Its another story that I do not love my job. But, its good in a number of ways. I have problems too. But, they are all zilch compared to what people around the world face. And yet, there is this empty feeling deep inside.
I don’t sleep at night. I spend hours and hours staring at the ceiling with a blank mind. Often I find that I am hallucinating. I yearn a lot to talk. This yearning only accentuates with each passing night.
I check my mobile all the time to see if I’ve received a text or a call. The first thing I do after getting back to home is to check my online friends list.
I just need someone to tell me that I’ll be fine and that everything will be okay.
Is this all normal? Am I being too vulnerable?